If ever I was famous to be invited to go on T.V's Room 101, one of the things I would have consigned to the nightmarish room, apart from Piers Morgan, would be Wimbledon. Not the area in London or the re-born football team but the annual Tennis extravaganza.
I am not against Tennis. I can appreciate the sporting endeavour, the history, I can even just about stomach the endless cavalcade of middle aged women called Jan who constantly shout "Come on Tim" whilst emptying the contents of a tub of face paint.
No, what really raises my ire is the way in which the BBC seem hell bent on getting as many positive references to British Tennis in as possible, whether it is relevant or not. Anyone visiting the Earth to take in a day's viewing on the BBC would naturally assume Great Britain to be some fallen super power in the sport. Longing for a return to the days when everyone had a tennis court in their garden and trophies were won on great regularity.
Don't believe it. Anyone who can remember tennis, P.T.H (pre-Tim Henman) will remember just how shit we were and to some extent still are at this sport. You only need to look at who fills the seats in the BBC's commentary booth for that. Chris Bailey's major claim to fame, apart from having nice hair, was that he once took a set off Goran Ivanisevic. Andrew Castle is there I understand because he once won a game of Swingball in 1987.
The BBC seem compelled to sell the sport of Tennis at any cost. If the BBC production team cannot get a positive sound bite they practically go into convulsions. But it just doesn't make any sense. The lean years of the 1980's and early 1990's was the time to sell the sport not now when you have a crowd who can still remember the heroic runs of Tim Henman and occasionally Greg Rusedski. And yet they still try to shoe horn in as many positive references they can.
For example the BBC will dispatch a reporter to do an interview, probably Gary Richardson (the Richard and Judy of investigative journalism), with an unranked Croatian player who has not only won their first match ever at Wimbledon but had never even played at Wimbledon or even been to England before. Instead of wrapping up the interview with the customary - " Do you know much about your opponent? Have you had a chance to see them play yet?" No, instead of that they will say " Andy Murray's got a great chance this year? What do you think?"
What ? I'm sorry ? Is the purpose of the interview not supposed to be about me and my game?
Now there's a strong chance that this player has never played Murray or is ever likely to , so how can he possibly comment. In terms of a relevant question it is like asking a recently released detainee from Guantanamo Bay whether he thinks Gran Canaria is a good holiday resort. And yet the Croatian player will stand for a few moments trying to politely mask his admonishment before saying - " Well he's got a great chance." To anyone else this is a fairly non - commital admission. I don't really know the answer but I don't want to look dull on national telly. But the reaction in the studio is something approaching fever pitch, with Sue Barker positively grinning like a Cheshire cat - " Well Mario seems to think Andy's going to win."
And yet at the back of all this hyperbole is poor Andy Murray who has yet to open his bag of balls let alone play a match. They sit discussing crumbs of comfort as one player is left in the women's draw on the opening morning whilst on court 14 Marat Safin has just completed a ten hour epic which scarcely raises a mention. When Roger Federer equalled Bjorn Borg's achievements of five Wimbledon singles titles, instead of the viewer being allowed to bask in the enormity of what had just happened, all you could hear in the background was the BBC commentator talking about an upcoming British Davis Cup tie against the Sandwich islands. The one's I really feel sorry for are Boris Becker and John McEnroe who are brought in to provide a perspective of what its really like to win at Wimbledon, to elaborate on how the pressure on you grows as the tournament progresses and how you deal with it as an athlete. And yet these great figures in the game are reduced to providing expert analysis on Lilly Butterworth's chances in the forthcoming challenger match in Newport Pagnell. You know when you are on a sticky wicket when the commentator has to resort to finding any opening they can to prevent the viewer from switching channels to watch Bargain Hunt. " Well she won her first service game in the opening set, let's see how she gets on in this one." She went on to lose 6-1, 6-0.
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